Skip to main content

Conversations - Part One.

 



“Why do you say these things, Connel? Why do you have to make everything so complicated? Why can’t you just let be for once? Why did you say that you thought I was gonna leave you once college reopens? You hurt me by saying things like that, you know?” 


“Why do I always worry about how things are gonna end, you ask? Why, right? Chuckles.

You know, from the very moment I meet a person, my mind starts constantly reminding me of what’s it gonna be like when they walk away. It’s not like I want to, but …

I can’t beat it. I can’t beat the feeling. I’m not good at letting things go. So I don’t meet a lot of new people. I don’t have the emotional energy for that. I’m barely surviving out here. 

So I guess I say all these things, all these things about us growing apart because maybe then I would be already prepared and adjusted to the reality so that it would hurt less when you actually leave. Does that make any sense? 

And, Marianne, I’m sorry that I hurt you, you know that’s the last thing I would want.”


“Can you promise me that this will never happen again?”


“Hmm. I guess I just have to accept the fact that this is how the rest of my life is gonna be like. Trying hard not to care about anything too much because I’m afraid I’m gonna have to let them go one day.  

I mean I know that that’s just life and that people are not permanent and they may come and go and you only have yourself at the end. 

And the thing is, when I fall in love, I fall in love hard. And for the most part of the time, I’m gonna be sad worrying about losing them. But, there’s going to be happiness too, and little cans of memories worth preserving. I think it makes these constant sadness and heartbreaks worth suffering.”


“Just know this, Connel Waldron, you are the most relatable person I’ve met my whole life and I’ve met a lot of people. And I’ll leave when I feel like it, okay? You haven’t got a say in it.” 


“I got no idea how I push through these days. It’s getting worse every day. And one of these days it’s gonna reach a threshold and then continue like that for the rest. I got no idea what to look forward to now. 

Life has been more like suffering for the last few years. Occasional glimpses of happiness in between long sad and mundane weeks. It used to be the other way around. And even there was a reason for being sad back then. Now, just the mere existence of thyself makes me sad.

To be honest, I don’t think people have knowingly hurt me that much. I tend to push people away before they have the chance, and in that process, I think I have hurt myself pretty badly, countless times. It's a ceaseless journey. One that only ends with my death.”


“What do you want me to say? That everything’s gonna be alright? Because it’s not. At least not for people like us”


“Just promise me that you’ll tell me if you ever stop loving me”


“Okay.”


“Okay.”

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dystopian times (unabridged)

I read '1984' by George Orwell a few years back. I could only read up to 70% of it for some reason. In the first chapter, the protagonist secretly writes a journal entry as a sort of protest, or a way of telling his story to future generations. Thankfully, we're not there yet, but I imagine sooner or later, we as a collective world will reach that level of dystopia. I can't help but wonder, 'Has the world always been like this, or I'm just noticing it? ' Maybe yes, but the amount of injustice and horror that has been happening around the world has definitely only increased with time. There is so much injustice, violence, and horror happening around the globe, and the fact that I was born in this godforsaken country. It's awful enough to be a citizen of this country, but being a Muslim in India is only worse. The only thing I can do is be grateful for the fact that I was born in the South.  And all of this leads to one being in a certain dilemma. Do I try...
Post a Comment
Read more

Who will win the Ballon D'Or 2018?

There are a lot of quality players out on the field with potential of acquiring the so called best player award in the world easily known as the “THE BALLON D’OR”. Since the year 2008 this mesmerising price has been shared among two, who are known to the world as  CRISTIANO RONALDO  and  LIONEL MESSI.  Both of them are so far presented with 5 of the awards equally throughout these years. To be honest no one else other than these two has not even came close into winning the award after 2008. But this year a number of different things have happened. Lots of underdogs have proved their worth and are told to be possible winners of this Glamorous award. As the World Cup is upon us on July, it will play a major role on declaring the Ballon D’Or winner this year. With the help of various experts and from the form they are in, we have reduced a 23 possible nominees list: (not in chromatic order)           1.  Li...
Post a Comment
Read more

The unbearable weight of consciousness.

I’ve always been pretty conscious about myself. I am not sure if that’s a good thing or not. A bit of both, I could say. Being fully aware of myself has always helped me to know what I want in certain situations, with people, etc. I know what sort of person I want to be, in general. I’m 100% certain about the vibe I want to give out to people, and I am sure that for the most part, I’ve succeeded in doing the same. But still, being super conscious most of the time has not helped me figure out what I want to do with life. This has been my life’s biggest dilemma. I used to be ambitious growing up, I guess up until end of the college. Maybe corporate did it, perhaps I did this to myself. I am the most unambitious man I know right now. Does that scare me, I don’t know. I see people around me hustling, switching techs, and companies, climbing up the ladder, making huge life decisions, and moving out of countries. I feel nothing. There is nothing I want to be.  Sometimes I feel like I pea...
Post a Comment
Read more