voices in my head

In the movie 'Being Charlie', Charlie says in the climax, "All I ever wanted was a way to kill the noise". And when Charlie from 'The perks of being a wallflower' said, "There is so much pain and I don't know how to not notice it". And when Lee Chandler from 'Manchester by the sea' said, "I can't beat it". And when Vincent from 'The road within' said, "What if I fuckin live?" Evening. Railway Station I am walking in between the platform bridge between the second and fourth platforms. My mind is going at the rate of hundred miles per hour. I can't slow it down. I need to lie down and close my eyes for a second and be at peace. But, the mosquitoes don't seem to make it any easier. I need to reach my room immediately and that is the only place I can just lay down at peace. Maybe pour all of this down to paper or something. Just dance. Just lie down, put my head under a pillow. There are still 2 hours r...

  “Why do you say these things, Connel? Why do you have to make everything so complicated? Why can’t you just let be for once? Why did you say that you thought I was gonna leave you once college reopens? You hurt me by saying things like that, you know?”  “Why do I always worry about how things are gonna end, you ask? Why, right? Chuckles . You know, from the very moment I meet a person, my mind starts constantly reminding me of what’s it gonna be like when they walk away. It’s not like I want to, but … I can’t beat it. I can’t beat the feeling. I’m not good at letting things go. So I don’t meet a lot of new people. I don’t have the emotional energy for that. I’m barely surviving out here.  So I guess I say all these things, all these things about us growing apart because maybe then I would be already prepared and adjusted to the reality so that it would hurt less when you actually leave. Does that make any sense?  And, Marianne, I’m sorry that I hurt you, you know t...

This monotonous life I am so tired of pretending I feel like I’ve pretending for so long That I forgot what I was really like before We were sitting under a banyan tree And a friend of mine said, “No one knows the real you” And that is the truest thing  someone has told me all my life And that’s all I ever wanted to be A mystery An enigma I don’t want to be your answers I am questions More and more questions Rhetorical fucked up questions So fucking tired of this overflow of  Abundant thoughts into my head And I wish I could be like you Oh, how I wish I could be like you. You thrive by meeting new people I survive by being left alone You write relevant stuff I pour out my sadness You are a free bird I am entrapped forever  In the cage that is my mind You live in the moment I overthink the fuck out of it You’ll hold her hand I’d push her away  in the fear of sucking her to the void too You vibe with people Me, the CEO of awkwardness  You smoke stuff to think heav...