I read '1984' by George Orwell a few years back. I could only read up to 70% of it for some reason. In the first chapter, the protagonist secretly writes a journal entry as a sort of protest, or a way of telling his story to future generations. Thankfully, we're not there yet, but I imagine sooner or later, we as a collective world will reach that level of dystopia. I can't help but wonder, 'Has the world always been like this, or I'm just noticing it? ' Maybe yes, but the amount of injustice and horror that has been happening around the world has definitely only increased with time.
There is so much injustice, violence, and horror happening around the globe, and the fact that I was born in this godforsaken country. It's awful enough to be a citizen of this country, but being a Muslim in India is only worse. The only thing I can do is be grateful for the fact that I was born in the South.
And all of this leads to one being in a certain dilemma. Do I try to live in a bubble and shut myself off from all the noise that's going on around the world? Or do I learn about it, and there's only so much one can do from this end of the world, so I guess the least one can do is be aware of it, be vocal about it, and spread the awareness, I guess?
There's so much that I don't know about. Primarily, I know that the root cause of all the evil that's happening in the world is Capitalism, and Western imperialist powers, primarily the US and A. But I want to learn more about Capitalism, I want to learn about the alternatives, I want to learn about Socialism, Communism, and whatever happened to Socialist and Communist regimes in the past. And if they failed, why did they fail? Where did capitalism start? I want to read about history mainly, and I am hugely attracted to history. I want to read about world wars and the fall of the soviet union. I want to read about the history of racial apartheid, from South Africa to America. I want to read about Che and Fidel Castro, and I want to learn about Cuba and Venezuela. I want to read about Saddam Hussein, Gaddafi, and the role of Western powers in destabilizing the Middle East. I want to read about the history of Africa. I want to read about the genocide that's going on in Sudan and Congo. I want to be aware of the corporate entities that are profiting off the kids of Sudan and Congo. I want to learn about the role the UAE is playing in the Sudan Genocide, and why they are supporting or arming the rebel groups. I want to read about Kashmir and Palestine.
Though consuming all this knowledge will take some toll on one's mental health. But not anywhere near as it affected the actual victims. So I guess the least one can do is be aware of it and spread awareness, and help in whatever way one can.
At the same time, I want to read Shakeshpere and Bukowski. I want to learn Virginia Woolf's suicide letter by heart. I want to follow Van Gogh's works. I want to watch Kiarstomi and Wong Kar Wai. I want to watch Adoor and Padmarajan. I want to write and draw. I want to paste souvenirs from my journey into my art journal. I want to lie under the sunlight and think about nothing. I want to run through a green field and fall over. I want to fall in love without having to care about caste, religion, or societal norms. I want to watch more plays. I haven't watched many plays in my life. I want to listen to more Ghazal. I want to take photos with my Fujifilm.
But here I am, on the sixth floor of the fourth building, out of 6 buildings inside an MNC's corporate campus. Working on spreadsheets and workflow automation tools, so that rich people at the top of the ladder can become insanely rich, while paying me the same salary they were paying to someone of my experience 15 years back.
But one can argue, I can upskill or learn some other skill, and find some other job with better pay. But that's the point, I don't want to, I don't want to upskill. I don't want to climb this so-called corporate ladder, so that some rich guy can get richer, and pay me 0.00001% of the profit. I don't want to sit in a cubicle; the sound of the team's tone disgusts me. The word 'bandwidth' makes my blood boil. I have to use AI for work, and I am a passionate AI hater. I hate everything that it represents, and everything that it has done to mankind.
The funny thing is, back in college, I honestly thought the cubicle life could be a good fit for me. God, how wrong was I? My dad reminds me from time to time about how competitive the world has become. And his thoughts are coming from a good place; he's worried about my future, obviously. Most of my friends have moved out of the country. I am attending one friend's marriage every 5 months. They are talking about gold rates and saving for the marriage functions. I thought I'd have figured life out by now, but honestly, I've barely figured out the alphabet.
And that's okay. I want to believe that's okay. I hope that is okay. Otherwise, I am fucked. Believe me. Hopefully, these things will unravel themselves.
Comments
Post a Comment