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The Infinite Spiral Of Thoughts


 


Holidays can be fun. I spent my holidays lying down on my bed doing nothing and thinking about everything.


I think a lot.
I think when I'm eating. I think when I’m walking. I think when I'm running. I think when I'm taking a shower. I think when I'm taking a pee.

I think when I'm listening to music lying down alone in my bed. I think when I'm listening to music sitting on the doors of the train. I think when I’m driving. (which eventually led to me banging my face at the speed of 60kmph behind a parked Innova car. Some stitches, and dislocated bones, I think).



I think when I'm being stood up by the lecturer for not doing homework. I think when people ask me, “you don’t talk much or what”.

I think when my father is lecturing me about the future and how competitive the world is. I think when my brother asks me why are you so weird without actually asking it. I think when my mother asks me, “why are you so silent, you haven't talked much since you've returned from college”. I think when my two-year-old nephew asks me to ride with him on his little car.

I think when I'd met someone new and they're waiting for me to initiate a conversation. I think when someone initiates a conversation with me and I've no idea what to say in return. I think when I'm about to fall asleep after I'd tried out 13 different sleeping positions. I think when I'd just waken up and I've got no purpose still whatsoever.

https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1946gI0PJGDcaYUKK-gaYucgiVdxQmVgQ
I think when I see people going on happy about their lives, without realizing how dark the world has become. I think when I look at the mirror sometimes and realize that I've become less of the person that I once knew. I think when I see someone successful and realize that I'm nowhere near the person I thought I would be. I think when I see someone from my childhood and realize that I'm not happy as I was anymore.

I think when I'm not thinking. I think deeper when I want to stop thinking.


I sat down in front of the keyboard wanting to stop ‘this’ thinking and I ended up writing this which required a hell lot amount of thinking.

So I don't think I can stop ‘this’.
Ceaseless.
Inevitable.
Almost too much for my small brain.
This might be the reason I'm going to die.



So what do I think about? I wish I could say that I think about global warming, and how flying cars are going to be the revolution of 2020. That I think about illuminatti and whether Justin Bieber is actually a part of it? How coming elections are going to affect our country and how Yogi Adityanath is targeting the minorities of Uttar Pradesh.



But No.
I think about simpler but weirder stuff. Like sometimes I’d have thoughts like, what would Morgan Freeman be doing right now? Would he be sleeping? Does he still enjoy his life? Does he still hang out with his friends?

But, to be honest, mostly I think about all the things I could be doing if I'd ever stopped thinking for once. All the places I could go. All the books I could read. All the words I could write. All the fun I could have.

The point is we all think a lot. Sometimes this 'thinking' leads to us taking the wrong decisions in life. It prevents us from seizing the moment. Sometimes you just got to go with the flow, trust your instincts for once and let go. 

Why I am writing this? 

To quote Jack Kerouac, “I’m writing this because we’re all gonna die someday”.

*also because I’ve got no idea what else to do. 


***









https://drive.google.com/uc?export=view&id=1KUm-vEZG82-o1Lnl124MWzT61FnxKtDr



Images: Pinterest








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