Where’d all the fireflies go?

It's raining.

Where'd all the fireflies go?

I remember back in the days when I'd see a firefly and after hours of struggle, I'd finally be able to trap it inside a little medicine bottle. They usually appeared during the power cuts at night and came in pairs.

Where'd all the fireflies go?

I miss the fireflies.

I miss the old days.

I miss the old me.

At one point you're in your childhood and all you want is to grow up and get into college. You buy college notebooks even though you only need a small 100 page notebooks for your school. Because you can't bear the excitement and the waiting. You already want to feel like a grownup.

And years pass by fast and without even knowing you're now in college. 

But somehow you feel lost and empty. The years you thought that was going to be the most exciting in your whole life has turned out to be the most mundane.

You feel overwhelmed by the responsibilities and suddenly everyone wants you to act all mature. Nothing seems lively enough for you now. Simple jokes don't make you laugh now.

Somehow you're not able to make yourself happy. But you can't let people know that. So you put all those social media posts and stories pretending to have a cool, fun life. Until you realize how pathetic and low key it is.

You have no idea what to do so you just go with the flow. You're tired all the time and you live every day the same. 

You are mostly confined to your room. You find movie characters more relatable than real ones. You pretend okay in front of everyone when you know that deep inside you're trapped inside a spiral.

The only productive thing you've achieved in these days is the ability to sit idle, dreaming for hours. You prefer dreams over reality. You prefer to book characters over your friends and relatives now. 

You pretend long enough and realize that you're getting very good at it.  

You wonder if that's what everybody was doing all along.

Just, pretending?

You're not able to sleep at night. So you binge watch TV shows and ask yourself rhetorical questions and regret yourself to sleep.

You find yourself more interesting than other people. So you talk to yourself more. You argue with your subconscious before even saying a word. 

I miss the fireflies.

Now all you want to do is to go back to your childhood. You wish for that time travel movies to be true. You wish if you'd been just stuck inside your childhood forever. 

Off you go spiraling again.

You're falling into a void.

So you do one and the only thing that will clear your mind. 

You play your playlist.

You take your diary.

You start pouring down everything. The feeling, regrets, emotions, wrong decisions, all of it.

You know you're not good with the words. But you do it anyway because that's the only way of getting out of this.

Some old wise man once said, "I guess that's what life is, you go on living it whether you like it or not."

Sayonara.

Images: Pinterest